


A Walk Down Memory Lane

by castielrisingabove



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 11.10 coda, Angst, Casifer, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 06:55:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5818522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castielrisingabove/pseuds/castielrisingabove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"So this is what the great Castiel dreams about. The fallen angel, Heaven's biggest rebel, God's favorite...and you're dreaming about a couple of meat-suits?"</p><p>11.10 coda, Castiel's perspective. Spoilers</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Walk Down Memory Lane

"Yes," Cas whispers. There is a bright flash of light, a surge of energy burning through his body, then...nothing. Well, not quite nothing. There's pain, unending pain, but at least he can't see anything. At least he doesn't have to accept the reality of the fact he is now really and truly alone.

 "Cas...Cas...you awake, buddy?"

 Castiel is jostled out of his slumber. He blinks, the image of Dean's worried face swimming before his eyes. He's confused, this isn't supposed to happen...but there Dean is, in the flesh. Dean, who is squatting to Cas' level, cupping Cas' cheek in his hand as he examines him.

 "Dean?" Cas asks, his voice barely a croak, "What are you doing here?"

 Dean relaxes at Cas' response, pulling the angel into a tight hug. "I always come when you call..."  

 Then abruptly, Dean is gone. It feels as if the lights have come on suddenly while in the middle of a movie. Cas looks around the empty room as mocking laughter begins to echo off the walls.

 "So _this_  is what the great Castiel dreams about," Lucifer coos, walking in from behind Cas, "The fallen angel, Heaven's biggest rebel, God's favorite...and you're dreaming about a couple of meat-suits?"

 Castiel scrambles to his feet. "Where am I?"

 Lucifer grins, a look of mock thoughtfulness on his face. "Let's see...we took a right on the road out of the Cage, then merged onto the highway..." He laughs at Castiel's blank look.

 "Where do you think, moron? You're locked up nice and tight in your own mind. You cocooned yourself here the moment I entered your body...it's actually taken me almost a week to find you."

 "A _week_?" Cas gapes, "What have you--"

 "Nothing yet, little brother," Lucifer sighs, "You can't honestly expect me to meet with the Winchesters without _any_  clue of your mannerisms, you know. They'd catch on right away, where's the fun in that?"

 "Stop it."

 "Can't," Lucifer replies cheerfully. He crosses the room to a set of drawers, all full of files. He thumbs through them, making faces as he reads this. "Organized memories, just like all the other angels," he comments, "But...wow, there's enough in here on the Winchesters to fill a book. Several books. You've practically written your own Winchester-centered Bible."

 Cas growls, trying to follow Lucifer across the room. Lucifer chuckles and snaps his fingers, immobilizing Cas. 

 "Funny, though," Lucifer adds, smirking, "For as much as you seem to worship these two mortals...they don't seem to care much about you, do they?"

 "That's not true!"

 Lucifer guffaws, snapping his fingers again. They're in the Bunker and Cas knows immediately when it is. Hell, he can practically feel the aching fear of being mortal. "You can't stay," an impassive Dean tells a newly human Cas, who can't quite keep the look of shocked sadness off his face.

 "That was one time," Cas defends Dean staunchly.

 "You ever stopped to wonder _why_  it happened at that particular time?" Lucifer's whisper was soft, "The moment you lose your powers, you're out the door..."

 "Shut up."

 Lucifer shrugs, "Don't believe me? What about this?"

 He snaps his fingers again and the scene changes, Sam leaving Castiel alone with Rowena in an abandoned warehouse. Cas can still feel the fire of her curse burning through his veins.

 "That was out of necessity," Cas replies through gritted teeth.

 Lucifer shakes his head, a condescending look of pity on his face. "We both know you're lying, Castiel..."

 And the scene changes again, and again, each time with another moment of the Winchesters leaving him, of the Winchesters choosing each other...Each scene is a blow to the stomach for Cas and he's left gasping for air by the time they settle on the final image: Dean leaving Cas to fight Lucifer alone while he tends to Sam.

 "You sensing the pattern yet?" Lucifer asks, his voice lilting like a school teacher trying to teach his students the multiplication tables.

 "That's not...how things are..." Cas retorts, though tears leak from the corner of his eye and he can barely muster any sort of conviction behind the statement.

 "Just face it, Castiel," Lucifer replied, his eyes shining with enjoyment, "To the Winchesters you are...what's the word?" he rustles through a couple more files in the drawer, then pulls one out with a triumphant grin, "Oh, right, _expendable._ "

 Cas stumbles away from Lucifer, eyes glued to the image of Dean racing away from the angel to his brother's side. He falls to his knees, the air knocked out of him. All of the suspicions he'd never voiced aloud, never connected due to the fear he'd be right...all lined up in a glaringly obvious conclusion.

 "But that's not the worst of it, is it?" Lucifer's voice is practically crackling with gleeful energy as he rummages through the file drawer to pull out a single cassette tape. On the front is written "Dean Winchester" and on the back...

 "I love you?" Lucifer snorts, "Would you listen to this?"

 Cas is shaking his head, but it's no use. His own voice echoes around the room. _I always come when you call...I rebelled and I did it--all of it--for you..._ _if there is even a small chance that we can save you I won't let you walk out of this room...I will watch over you..._

 "Shame you never got to use the big "L" word on him," Lucifer sighs, making his way back over to Castiel, whose face is now lined with tear tracks, "But who knows? Maybe I can rectify that for you..."

 "Stay the _hell_  away from Dean Winchester," Cas shouts, pushing to his feet, never losing eye contact with his older brother.

 Lucifer's brow raises in surprise. "You still care? After all of this? After everything he's put you through? Why?"

 "Because," Cas replies, clenching his fist, his jaw setting, "That is what _love_  is."

 For a moment, Lucifer is stunned into silence. Then he smiles again. "Oh, Castiel. You foolish, fallen angel. I see why God has taken a fancy to you...he always did have an unusual affinity towards these humans...but these mortal beings are weak. And loving them the way you do? With all the power of your soul? It only makes you weak too."

 "I would not underestimate the Winchesters if I were you," Castiel replies, "They will stop you."

 "Even if it means killing their pet angel?"

 A twitch of the jaw is the only sign Castiel gives that this comment has wounded him in any way. "You said it yourself," he replied evenly, "I'm expendable. Even to those I love the most."

 Lucifer's expression is unreadable as he snaps his fingers one final time. The room, as well as their forms, vanish and for the first time since being possessed, Castiel can see out of his own body. It takes a moment to get used to only being able to see what Lucifer has directed their body to see, but Castiel recognizes the location within moments. The Bunker.

 "I suppose we'll see," Lucifer replies, laughter lingering on his voice as he reaches out to open the front door, Castiel unable to do anything but watch.


End file.
